Friday, February 22, 2008


Three eye stories:

1. While he was driving me for my LASIK op, my dad told me that when he was 12/13 years old, he had double vision. Doctors were so intrigued that they promised him an eye operation, the second such performed in Singapore (the first had been an utter failure).

My father rather liked the attention, since it meant he could get out of school on MC and lord it over the kids in school by parading past the classroom until the teacher came down to examine his credentials for absence.

But he was smart enough to realise that getting his eyes poked wasn't such a great idea. So he practised focussing on his reflection in a mirror, converging the duplicate optical images. It worked. The doctors were dumbfounded and asked him to explain the procedure in detail.

2. When I was practising capoeira a few days after the op, I told my sparring mate Yong Kan how the surgeon had actually forbidding me to exercise for a week. Yong Kan, being a doctor himself (in fact his nome de guerro is Doctor; in fact he's a straight married 31 year-old hot-bodied hunk of a urologist who runs marathons for fun on weekends), was horrified that I was forsaking sound medical advice. He told me he's met patients who suffered grand force trauma to their eyeballs shortly after LASIK and had to get their entire corneas removed. To see again, they had to accept cornea transplants, together with weekly steroids which kept their bodies from rejecting the tissue while also raising their chances of getting cancer.

I told my niece this story, mostly just to scare her after she said I looked good after the op. Personally, I think if I go blind I'll stay blind for a few years. It'd enhance my street cred as a writer no end.

3. Ka Fai saw me at a performance under UV light, just after I'd taken my eyedrops, which have white residues. He said I looked spooky, as if I'd been weeping milk.

I'm not trying to look like a wanker: the sunglasses really do help to reduce glare and increase depth of focus. Even indoors - especially indoors, when there's crazy fluorescent lighting like in my Arabic class.

I got the shades free from Action For AIDS: aren't they fabulous? No-one can see who I'm ogling!

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